Mardi Gras phone calls

Remi to Dad on phone: Yeah, Roxy met me at the airport with a daquiri.
I can only imagine that Remi's dad told her to not stay drunk the whole time. Then again, knowing her dad, he probably told her to stay drunk.
Remi: Ok dad.

Remi to Vogue on phone: No I'm not flashing my tits. Why not? Because it is fucking cold here and my nipples would become icicles and then fall off?

Roxy to Mom on phone: Remi just said she's not going to flash because her nipples would freeze and fall off. Long pause. No mom, I'm not flashing either.

Roxy to Dad on phone: You know, when you are the eldest child, you don't expect to have to live up to someone's legacy.
Roxy's Dad: What do you mean?
Roxy: I mean that I'll I've heard from my Aunt's friends since I've arrived here is how crazy my dad was last year at Mardi Gras and that he was a bead whore. Dude, you're my dad!
Roxy's Dad just laughs.
Roxy: I do not want to know what you did here last year.
Roxy's Dad: I won't tell you.

Crabs...continued

on the way home from the casino
Roxy: I got crabs tonight.
Remi: Well I know who's not gettin any tonight...

Later in the car.
Roxy's Other Half: Whats between Remi's thighs
Remi: The Holy Grail
Roxy's Other Half: How long has the grail been holy?
Remi: Only those who seek the grail shall know the answer to that question.
Roxy's Other Half: Thank God I'm not searching anymore.
Remi: Fuck You then! hahahahaha

as we were driving away from the parade route
Remi: Hey, should I throw someone some beads?
Roxy: Yeah go for it, but I'd prefer you wait till the car is moving.
Remi: Well that's no fun...but OK...((the car begins moving in the sea of Mardi Gras trash, I chuck some beads at a guy eating a hot dog)) Did I hit him
Roxy: No, but you did hit that chick!
Remi: Ooops...my bad

the next morning while sorting beads
Roxy's Aunt: Remember if your bag weighs more than 50 lbs the airline will charge you more.
Roxy: I know, they tried to charge me $100/lb when I moved.
Roxy's Aunt: What are you going to do with all those beads anyway?
Roxy: I'm going to give them away.
Remi: You know, we don't really need anymore beads.
Roxy: I know
Remi: That's not going to stop us from catching more tonight is it?
Roxy: Of course not!

James Gandolfini is the point to Mardi Gras

Waiting for the parade to start...
Remi: Shit - there's the cop car. Is the parade starting? What am I going to do with this sausage I'm eating?
Roxy: I can't be eating a sausage when James Gandolfini comes around the corner.
Roxy's Aunt: Sure you can. Tell him you will give him a bite of your sausage if he gives you a bite of his.

Roxy: If anyone tries to get inbetween me and James Gandolfini, I will mow them down.

Remi: This lip gloss plumps up your lips.
Roxy: You go girl - you plump those lips for James Gandolfini.
Remi: I am!
Roxy: Did you notice that I had to reapply lipstick before he gets here? I mean, shit, I haven't reapplied lipstick at anytime on this trip - not even for my husband.
Remi: And when have you seen me reapply?
Roxy: Like James Gandolfini is going to look at our lips.
Remi: He might.

While at the parade...
Roxy's husband: You do realize we are standing on top of raw sewage, right?
Remi: I don't see shit down there.

Roxy to bitch trying to elbow her out of the front of the crowd: Uh, no. I don't think so, honey. I've been here since 6:00 - you better back it up.

Upon returning to the car...
Roxy's husband to car: Well, car, we paid $30 to park you. Coincidentally, we also paid $30 per person to eat dinner since it is Mardi Gras. How was your experience?
Roxy to car: Did you get crabs too?

(note: I have no idea why we were talking to the car - we were sober.)

Homeward bound...
Remi: See, we don't have to be drunk to giggle in the backseat like schoolgirls.

Yo ho! Mardi Gras Style...

Remi: I swear, I don't know why that look is popular (gestures to woman in tight short jeans tucked into her black, high-heeled boots)
Roxy: No kidding. It sucks.
Remi: It's supposed to be high fashion but it looks like something out of the 80's.
Roxy: But I guess it would look ok if you were a pirate.
Remi: Arrrrrgggghhhh, yeah.

Day 2: Mardi Gras

Remi: Do you realize how much funny shit we've said and forgotten?
Roxy: A lot.
Remi: I wish we had one of those voice recorders from the TV infomercials.
Roxy: And to think, yesterday we were making fun of them.

Day 1: Mardi Gras

Roxy: Tits are pretty

And then...
Remi: Perhaps while we're down here, we should do some community service - you know, like clean up a neighborhood or something.
Roxy: We could do that, but you are forgetting something. We need to drink.
Remi: I didn't really want to do that - but it sounded good, didn't it?
Roxy: I almost believed you.

While in the car...
Roxy's better half: I'm not going to look at the boobs.
Roxy's Aunt: Yeah, whatever.
Remi: You will totally look.
Roxy's better half: Why would I look when touching commits them to memory better?

Late in the evening...
Roxy: Which neighbors?
Roxy's Aunt: Not the catkillers, the lesbians.
Remi breaks into giggles.

At the Muses parade...
Roxy to cop: I guess I shouldn't run out in front of that cop car to get the beads on the ground.
Cop: Probably not a good idea.
Roxy to Remi: I just told a cop that I shouldn't go in front of a cop car. I said 'cop car' to a cop.
Remi: Don't worry about it, he said he's not going to do anything because it's too damn cold.

More cop talk...
Remi: How cool! (pointing her finger) The cops are lighting up! (They were not even two feet away from us as she yells this).

Mob talk...
Roxy: I'm so going to show my tits to James Gandolfini.

We don't remember the rest due to drinking.

O-R-E-O

Roxy: Is it wrong to eat oreo 100 calorie packs for breakfast?
Ginger: Is it wrong to eat easy mac and peanut m&ms for breakfast? I think not.

That accent will only get you so far...

Ginger: Don't show up at my house, shoeless and fat, and expect to seduce me.