Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Who hasn't been there,
Who among us has never reached the end of a relationship,
Who else is willing to admit when things have gone down the crapper!

Alas, I am not speaking for myself on this one. I simply relay an observation and a conversation between myself and W.T Momma!

I have known WT for several years and over those years we have dated, almost freakishly bad men. So poor were our choices that we noticed a trend. The men would last so long as their real name did. As soon as a moniker was created, the nickname took over & the boy was ousted!

Recently WT decided to end a long term (2+ year relationship) but she broke the rule. We discovered this as we fondly reminisced over a bottle of wine. This last one was being dumped without a nickname. The situation was quickly remedied. In honor of those whom we have dumped...a short but recent list:

The Spitter - A man who love to spit on women & have them reciprocate...in bed.
Shi Shi Boy - A boy who earned his nickname based on the Hawaiian name for urinating.
Grandpa - Really, the nickname really explains it all.
Pussy Lover - Lover of actual cats...always looking to socialize the little animals, but forgets all about the figurative kitty when the time comes.
NRA Guy - A man, allegedly an adult, most prized possession in his bedroom...a Potato Launcher!
Karate Kid - He can kick a fly off the top of your head but can't do much more.
Mr. Too Tired - Can't be civil enough to stay awake & not complain about being tired at a loved one's funeral

& last but not least...the most recent inductee to the dumpee hall of fame...
GOMER! He just can't help but shoot a pigeon (aka roof rat) off the roof of a home, immediately rip its head off, pluck it, toss it in the micro for 30 seconds and chow on down!

In summary I'd like to say (can't remember where this toast came from sorry)

Here's to the Men who've won us, the losers who've lost us, and the lucky bastards who've yet to meet us!


Oh yes it's Ladies Night...

Things overheard at girl's night last Friday evening:

Red: Seriously, Barry, you're hanging with all the girls and you're the only guy. For godsake grab your titties or do something chick-like.

Vogue (aka Al): Haven't we already established that I'm a slut who will lick anyone's ass?

Roxy: What the hell are you doing in there, talking to your twat? (said to B, who Roxy thought was in the bathroom mumbling to herself)
later, outside by the pool
Roxy to Remi: Well, Jesus, I thought she was in the bathroom.
B: I was in the closet looking for my top.
Roxy: I thought you said Twat. All I heard was mumbling from down the hall. (To Remi) It was totally like, "Hey, what YOU doin' down there?" Naturally I assumed she was twat talking.

Red, talking about Al: Ass is totally her territory.
Al: I'm all over it.

W: Well, it's not like I knew how to do a blowjob at first...
Roxy: My friend CB told me about it.
Remi: I haven't heard that name in years.
Roxy: I know - of all the people to learn to do a blowjob first. It was freshman year and she called me after school one day. She said, "Steve just asked me to blow him. What does that mean?" I told her I thought it meant you blew on it.
W: Well, I just thought you put it in your mouth and blew. So I did. There were air bubbles up his urethra, or whatever that thing is called.
T: I think you just are born knowing what to do.
W: Seriously, how the hell did you learn to give a blowjob?
T: Well, he pushed my face down there and I put it in my mouth. I kept trying to come back up but he kept pushing me back down. After a while, I just kind of developed a rhythm.
entire party bursts out laughing at T's bobbing gestures