Perhaps it was her present to herself...

Leaving the college campus the other day:

Girl: She is such a HO. For graduation, she did two guys in the same night.
Guy: Like you've never done that...


Drinking Problem?

Is it wrong when your new manager...a manager who hasn't been in Phoenix but for 2 weeks approaches you with the following:

Manager: This isn't work related but I have a question for you.
Remi: (nervously looking around) uh ok.
Manager: (leaning in) "do you drink"
Remi: (now really looking around nervously and turning red) How did you know? Did someone tell you?
Manager: No it's just that you can tell with some people.


Because I'm stupid, that's why

Top 5 Reasons to not do 4 Jaeger Bombs in a row

5. That horrible aftertaste is remarkably similar to Dimetapp.
4. Find yourself asking that question you swore you'd never ask again, "How did I get home?"
3. Lewd dancing without expecting $20 (or for that matter $1) bills.
2. You find yourself talking politics AND religion for over an hour with some guy you just met and will never see again but you find yourself thinking that the two of you could come up with a plan to run the country - and the world - better than any past or present regime.
1. You have to check the "outgoing call" log on your phone to find out who you dialed-while-drunk.


Remi to friend (while still at the bar)
"Hey we're all over at Rock Bottom...you need to come out and join us to help judge if these guys really do have rock bottoms!"

(normally wouldn't be so bad...however the lack of intelligence granted by alcohol somehow caused the fingers to dial my friend's home phone vs. her cell phone and this message was therefore picked up and relayed back to said friend via her son)

Remi to Roxy
call #1 phone rings to voicemail...too drunk to remember why I had called or what message was left. Just noted that her voicemail rudely cut me off.
call #2 made immediately after call #1 was cut off abruptly.
Roxy: "If your not dead or have a body part missing I'm going to Fucking cut your head off"
Remi: "You're going to fucking cut my head off" (said while whimpering & immediately hanging up)

Vogue to Virginia friend

(sung at top of lungs)
"Good Golly Miss Molly... she sure likes to bone"


A lottery ticket and a communist manifesto, please.

R: I hate my job.
J: I hate my job too.
R: We need to win the lottery.
J: I think we just need to become the leaders of a large communist society and make the little people support us. We wouldn't have to work, plus we could have a mansion and limo and torture our olympians until they medal.
R: Hmm... I wasn't convinced of communist domination until you said we could torture our olympians... put me down for that!
J: Being olympian tourturing commies will rock out loud, trust me


Dirty Girls

On wondering if a real relationship will develop...
Roxy: "So, do you think it will just be dirty sex?"
Remi: "If it goes that far it will be!"

On friendship...
Remi: "Where would we be if we had never met?"
Roxy: "We'd be miserable, chain smoking in some corner somewhere and sad... and we'd be French."

On eating a Meximelt, or something else?

Vogue: "It's already in my mouth, I may as well swallow."

Roxy on phone: You know that I know that you the 'ho!